To You II - Become the Light
Ram's Head, White Hollyhock-Hills
Georgia O’Keeffe (1887-1986)
Read more about this painting from the Brooklyn Museum
Music pairing: RADWIMPS - Suzume, from the movie Suzume
My darling girl,
It has not been an easy year. Like the storm that thunders past, you’ve been soaked, hurt, and broken, but here you stand, unyielding like the tree—swaying, but ever alive, rooted, and still tall. I know you wonder if things will get better; I know deep down you’re just as afraid as everyone else. You’re trying to face reality, but reality is so harsh it makes you want to look away. But things have never gotten better when you look away.
My darling, we’ve been through worse before, with less than what we have now, and you came out blazing, enduring, wild. This time you have the love of your life, your stalwart and loud family, and your unchanging friends. You have pillars and you are a pillar, so don’t worry. It will all come to pass, and it will come to pass because you have worked hard to flow with the stream, worked hard to move through the hurdles. You have never stopped learning, never stopped improving. You found your way of living and it reaches far, growing and reflecting along the way, nourishing and changing, unstopping.
I know you wish circumstances could be easier. I know you wish the car accident didn’t happen, that you didn’t have these long-lasting impacts to your life that made you question and reform your identity. I know you wish for the right job to land in your lap, just as you’ve seen it do for others. But that is not your life, you don’t know how hard they’ve worked, the kind of network they’ve built up. You don’t know what they’ve given up that you wouldn’t otherwise have given up.
You stand here because you made your choices not to pursue certain careers at companies with missions that don’t resonate with you. You stand here looking out at the summit because you want this life, this job, to be meaningful. And meaningful circumstances are built with something else.
But keep holding that flame and someone will come feed it. Someone will come and fan that flame together, but you must, you absolutely must, continue holding on. Continue your search, continue loving life, continue enjoying each day with the same passion and dedication you’d give to your job.
Each day may feel the same but let me tell you, it is not the same. Each cup from the stream may look clear, but it carries so much more. Each day may feel helpless, but you are not helpless. The water knows its formless form; the water is capable of becoming anything. There are plenty of ways to build up your confidence and chisel away the unnecessary, so that you feel worthy. Worthy of what will come.
Worth doesn’t just land in your lap, darling. Worth is won, worth is work, worth is dedication, determination, perseverance, and most of all, worth is love.
Do you love you as you are right now?
No?
That’s okay. What will you do to make you love you?
To do the work. To do the work even if I want to scream at the unfairness of it all. To tread on, even if my legs are weak and my hands are cold.
We must tread on.
Be hollyhocks, spreading seeds in abundance and seeing what blooms. There is hope, and hope comes from me. Only I can plant the seeds and grow what I want to see. Only I can illuminate the beacon that lights my way.
Like Georgia O’Keeffe, she wanted someone to come tell her how to paint the new terrain she found. But she knew that if others did, it wouldn’t be her style, it wouldn’t be hers. She had to paint her own terrain, through her own experimentations, through her own commitments.
You walk at the frontier, Rai. And the folks at the frontier have a hard time. But you are a beacon for others. That is the responsibility and the burden of those who walk at the front. Your path is hard, but it is hard because you want to help others. And people who want to help others have a harder path than most. You are not letting life go by—you are actively engaging with it, you are an active participant in your life, and that comes with a price.
Was it not worth all the hard work when you set up SnapAbility? When you fought tooth and nail to have inclusion review questions? When you asked for 4 years and finally shipped those representative features yourself?
It was worth it, my darling. It has always been worth it.
You are not alone. When the light shines, you will see the path and the people you’ve helped along the way clearly.
Now you must gather the dry wood, feed your flame, and become the light you so wish others could give you. Become the light you wish to see, that is your destiny.
Remember: even a single star can make darkness into a beautiful night.
Susume! Let’s move forward!
Ever yours, ever here,
Your reflection